His Music Lives For Her
by AngelycDevil
Summary: From the moment he slid a ring onto my finger, I believed my marriage would last forever. I never stopped to wonder if Edward thought the same. AH, OOC.
1. Chapter 1

HIS MUSIC LIVES FOR HER

by

AngelycDevil

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******Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note: **There are many people who, knowingly or unknowingly, contributed to the creation of this story. Chronologically, THANK YOU to **Guitar Boy** for playing beautiful music every time I walked out of Biology; **Monica Florence** (at moflo19) for giving me the idea that I should write about it; **bebeginja** for a reason I cannot state yet because it will give the plot of the story; **darkNnerdy** for popping my darkfic cherry—Dark Paradise was the first serialkillerward I read and I was disturbingly fascinated by him (a.k.a. Nerdy is the inspiration for Charlie); **EveryDayBella** for providing me with TONS of situational music and support; **Lellabeth** for agreeing to pre-read this for me and brainstorming with me numerous ways to torture Edward and Bella before I hit complete; **Christag_Banners **for creating an amazing banner (link is on my profile) that I got to adopt; **myonlyheroin** for beta'ing this for me in a jiffy (even though she threatened me, but I think I deserved it); **pugridesshotgun** for helping me understand the legal-stuffs (I'm not quite there yet, as you can see); **content1** for patiently explaining the procedures of AA/NA as well as pre-reading some chapters to make sure everything is perfect.

Enjoy!

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**PROLOGUE**

Furious, green eyes stared calmly into hers. "I don't love you. _I never did._"

Her breath died in her throat as she finally heard his words. _He doesn't love me. He doesn't—_she pressed herself against the wall behind her as her mind spun. His words circled her mind like vultures, pecking at her every insecurity, clawing at her splintering heart. _Is it another woman? A man? Was he on drugs? Is it my weight? Am I that ugly? _She wanted to scream. _He can't do this to me. _She wanted to hurt him. _He'll hurt our children, too._ She wanted to die. _How am I supposed to live without him?_

"_I don't love you."_ Why? Why, why, WHY?! _What did I do? How could he—he promised me forever._ She gasped as her body forced her to take a breath. The cool air calmed her pounding heart, just long enough to clear her mind.

_This isn't him._

"No." She knew her husband. She knew every single thing about him. This...this wasn't him.

He scoffed, the alcohol in his breath tainting the air she breathed. "Don't tell me what I feel."

"I don't believe you." She stayed strong. She had to. It was the only way she'd survive.

A nasty scowl marred his face as he inched closer. She fought a tremble that threatened to destroy her facade. "I don't need you to believe me. I know what I feel. Disgust. Hate. Regret. You held me back. Ever since I met you, you held me back, clung to me. I COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH MORE!" he roared, slamming his palm onto the wall next to her.

"_You're nothing but a burden. I should've left you to starve on the streets. One moment of indecision...and I ended up having to take care of you for the rest of my life," Charlie sneered, his coal black eyes trained on her face as he pressed the blade against her neck. She trembled as she felt the metal pierce her flesh. She bit her lip to stop the scream that would get her killed._

"It was because you that I stopped playing. I gave up Julliard for you," Edward snarled. _"__I couldn't refuse. I was the sheriff. I had to adopt you, waste money on you, pay for your education, buy you clothes, send you to socialize with your whore friends because that's what an upstanding father of this tiny ass town would do," He whispered, his eyes trained on the single stream of blood that ran down her pale neck. "But you got more and more needy. I was never going to do this to you, but you need to know where you're plac—" _Edward's rough low voice brought her back to reality. "I could've been famous, instead I was stuck working at shitty shop that isn't even mine." He paused.

Maybe he saw it, what he was doing to her. She prayed to God that he did, because she wouldn't be able to handle it a second time.

Her mind was void of any other thoughts. She didn't _want_ to think. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from tearing up. She needed to be strong. Edward wouldn't hurt her, physically anyway. That wasn't him...it wasn't in his blood like it was in hers.

If she was honest with herself, this..._fight_ was long time coming. It hadn't been right between them in a while. But she never imagined he'd hurt her like this. She just wished she could stop comparing them because they were nothing alike. Even now when he had her flat against the wall without an escape, she wasn't scared of him, simply heartbroken.

Once he was calm enough, he disappeared into the living room. She sank to floor, her back against the wall as she muffled her sobs with her trembling hands.

A single thought remained in the forefront of her mind: _Is this the end?_

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**A/N: *peeks out from under a rock* So...who's in?**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 1**

_**Two months later...**_

Edward rolled on to his back and stretched. His muscles felt so sore...unused.

Where the hell was he?

He lolled his head around, blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes. He fixated on random items around the room before he realized that he was at Mike's apartment, which means he hadn't gone home last night. Oh well, what was done can't be undone. He sighed and slid out of bed, gasping when his head spun, his brain grating against his skull.

"_Fuck_."

He stumbled past the sleeping blondes and into the bathroom. He studiously avoided the mirror as he went through the cabinets for Mike's stash of pain-relievers. He didn't need to reminded of the failures he already knew of. With a shaking hand, he poured a few pills into his open palm before lifting that palm to his lips, swallowing the pills dry. He slid against the counter until his ass reached the floor, and he let his head fall back against the wood. He forced his burning eyes close, rejoicing as the numbness settled within him. If there's one thing that he'd learned over the weeks was that nothing was so much better than..._everything_.

No more guilt, pain, regret. No more responsibilities. No more heartache. No more _Bella_.

Nothing.

Just him and his weightless, wandering thoughts.

This was what Edward imagined death to be.

The beginning of 'Revolution' echoed in his mind as he slipped off into a slumber. The last thing he remembered was the familiar tingle in the tips of his fingers.

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**A/N: *shifty eyes* Um, so, yeah, that happened... *nervous chuckle* Give him another chance?**

**I've been squealing all day because of the response this fic has gotten. You guys are insane and I love you for it. I heard a lot of good theories, and I read every single review even though I haven't been able to reply. *points to self* Full-time student, worker, and writer. So, even if I don't reply to reviews, please know that I always read them, happy dance when I get one, and appreciate them so very much. Thank you and take care. xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 2**

Isabella poured half a bottle of pasta sauce into the frying pan and waited for the mixture to thicken a bit before dumping the colander full of spaghetti and mixing it together.

"Trey, Tanya! Dinner's ready!" She hollered, sighing in relief when she heard footsteps running down the stairs. At least the kids were giving her a break.

"What's for dinner, Ma?" Tanya asked, plopping down on a chair.

"Your favorite, darlin'." Isabella poured equal amounts of pasta onto three plates. When she noticed Trey was missing, she gave Tanya a look. Tanya smirked before sprinting up the stairs to fetch her little brother. After three minutes—a record time—Tanya appeared on the bottom of the steps again, this time with Trey grudgingly behind her.

Isabella's chest tightened briefly as she saw the disappointment on Trey's face. Edward had promised to take Trey to the skating rink today, except neither of them had seen Edward the entire day. Isabella tried to stop the guilt forming in the pits of her stomach. After all, it was all Edward's fault and Trey knew that—but she couldn't help but wondering that if she'd stopped Edward from making such a promise, Trey wouldn't have tear streaks on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Isabella whispered as she set Trey's plate in front of him.

Seeing the tremor in his mom's hands, Trey swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled. "S'okay," he muttered before scooping a forkful of pasta and stuffing his mouth, ending all conversation.

.

.

.

Isabella stayed at the dinner table long after the kids finished their meals, but it wasn't by choice. She simply couldn't move. Her legs were pressed tightly together, her fingers interlocked, she sat upright on the wooden chair, blinking away the tears. She knew that if she moved, she'd fall apart.

She tried to not let him get to her. She vowed to not let him hinder her. She'd told herself over and over that this was his battle, that she had no part in it.

He was going through a rough patch. This was as clear as day to her, and as much as she wanted to help him, she knew that she couldn't. He needed to figure things out for himself.

She knew that he hadn't changed. He was simply lost and needed to find himself again. She promised herself that she'd be there for him when he did.

But she prayed to God that he'd be in her arms sooner than later, because she didn't know how much more she could take.

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**A/N: That wasn't so bad, was it? **

**I want to send warm, home-baked cookies to all my reviewers 'cause y'all made my day! THANK YOU. *snuggles* Also: I do post teasers (and flail about A LOT of things and rec other fics) on my Twitter account: at AngelycDevil. **


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 3**

He shouldn't be here. Everything in him screamed at him to run away, back to Mike's, to nothing.

_This place is dangerous_, screeched every instinct in his body, but he moved forward until his palm touched the cool wood. His hands trembled as he pushed open the door. He tried to ignore the feeling of familiarity that was gnawing through his mind. He pretended as if he didn't notice his gasping breaths.

He just needed to see.

Cold air swirled around him when he stepped inside. His brain almost didn't register the bell that signaled his entry, and the customary "Hello, welcome to Forever Young" that a pale, pierced teenager with a droning voice said as Edward took in the store.

He first took in the white walls, and then laid eyes on the black shelves full of records in the back.

The floor was red. The instruments lined up in a pleasing manner.

It was organized. Orderly.

_Perfection_.

No, no, no!

Too much. So much. Blurry vision. Choking breath.

_I can't. I can't. I can't. _

He grabbed the nearest solid object to stop himself from falling. _Get out. Get out NOW!_

Blond. Blue. Red.

He stumbled backward. The  
warm gust of wind cleared his head enough for him to move. He darted down a street, almost crashing into a bike, before he disappeared into an alley.

He leaned against a brick wall, his heart almost pounding out of his chest.

White, yellow, red flashes.

_Fuck this shit. _

His hands trembled as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one (after almost throwing the lighter against the wall because it wouldn't fucking work). He took a long puff and waited for the nicotine to work its magic. But he knew that this wouldn't be enough, that he'd have to go to Mike's soon for a much stronger fix.

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**A/N: Still with me? Yes? Good. **

***twirls* YOU GGUUIIIISSSSEEEE, you're amazing! This is best response I ever got for a story (y'all are angst h00rs jsjs) so THANK YOU! *sends out virtual kisses* And to those who want to know what the hell is going on: patience, my friends, all will be revealed pretty soon. ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 4**

Isabella waved goodbye to her student, Jessica. She was such a nice kid and a great student. They had just discussed extra credit opportunities to help Jessica raise her grade, due to 'C' she received on the latest test.

Isabella put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot. Tanya and Trey should be home. As much as she hated the thoughts of the kids home alone, she didn't have a choice. Before, Edward would be home for lunch at this time to welcome his kids. Edward hadn't been home in days. The last time was six nights ago. He'd banged on the front door until Isabella opened it and passed out on the couch promptly after. He was gone by the time the kids woke up. If it weren't for his vomit that now discolored the carpet, Isabella would've thought it was a nightmare.

She was glad for his appearance, forget the ramifications. At least, she knew that he was alive.

Isabella parked in the garage and went to get the mail from their miniature house (it was Tanya's choice). Flipping through the envelopes, she made her way toward the house only to be startled to a stop by a scream. Her heart seized as she ran, her worst nightmares conquering her mind.

She flung the garage door open when another squeal filled the house, followed by joyous giggles. "DADDY, PLEASE!"

Her heart almost stopped. She froze in her steps, her eyes shocked, her fists clenched.

Tanya turned around first with a smile that was almost too big for her petite face, followed by chipmunk-faced Trey and _him._

"Hey babe." He grinned at her like he used to, as if he never stopped.

Isabella managed to scrounge up a smile in time. "Um, hi."

"I...uh, I thought I'd come home early since I was away for so long." _Is that an apology?_

"Yeah, yeah, no...it's fine. Really. I'm glad you're here." _What am I supposed to say? To think?_

"Great. You know, you can go relax, or whateva'. I'll take care of the kids."

"Ma, Dad wants to take me to the skating rink tonight. Can I go?" Trey asked after swallowing another mouthful of spaghetti, excitement evident in his voice.

"Of course," Isabella found herself saying. "_Once_ you finish your homework."

"Of course." Edward grinned again.

"Can I go, too, Mom?" Tanya piped up from his lap. "After I finish homework, _obviously._"

"Sure, why not?" Isabella moved to the kitchen, hanging her purse on the coat hanger. She needed some space. She needed some time to figure out what exactly happened.

She gasped when she saw the empty sink and clean counters. Tears sprang to her eyes when she realized that he wasn't going to let her go easily.

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**A/N: Sooo many questions, that I still haven't answered yet. HEHE Please remember that we are still on Chapter 4 of the fic and I grew up on mystery/suspense novels. jsjs Other than that, I'm so very thankful for my readers/reviewers who take time out of their lives to read my words and comment on it. Kisses to everyone! (I feel like a snob saying that. LOL)**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 5**

He didn't know what he'd been thinking, but he shouldn't have gone back.

It was great seeing the kids—_his _kids—but Bella? Not so much. It was hard to be around her, having loved her so long, only to realize that she held him back. He had been so wrapped in her that he hadn't realized what he was giving up. He didn't regret loving her, but a tiny part of him wished that he never met her, or maybe it could have worked out perfectly if they'd met in Julliard, or any time after.

Another part still loved her, deeply and eternally. He knew that that will never go away and that scared him. How was he supposed to move on?

He could feel himself slipping back onto his old role, a faithful and caring husband and a devoted father. Hell, he'd even cleaned the dishes.

He ran fingers through his matted hair as he watched the kids tumble and skate on the ice.

_How the hell did I end up here again?_ He sighed, burying his face in his hands. He rubbed circles on his temple in an attempt to lessen his pounding headache, but he knew it wouldn't work. It wouldn't stop until it got what it wanted, a fix. Suddenly, Edward wanted to go home again. This was too much. He needed a break. He _deserved_ a break.

He stood up and hollered for his kids. He bounced impatiently on his feet as he waited for them. He made no attempt to move as he watched Tanya fall on the ice twice before skating over. He mind was somewhere else, a place where he had no one to let down, where no one held him back or put him down.

Trey skidded to a stop in front of his dad and glanced at Edward curiously. There was something wrong with Daddy, but Trey didn't know what.

"We're going home, bud." Edward called out as he walked toward rink entrance.

"But, Daddy!" Trey whined, his voice grinding against Edward's skull. Edward curled his fingers into fists and took a deep breath. He would not yell at his kids. _I will not yell at my kids. _"DADDY!" Edward flinched. His nails dug into his palm, cutting through his pale skin. _Deep breaths, Edward, deep fucking breaths. _"Momma said we could stay here 'til eight, it's only six-forty. DADDY, I WANNA STAY!"

"OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Edward's roaring voice drowned the gasps around him. He turned to face his son. "We're leaving, Trey! Right. Now." Ignoring the invisible daggers that were metaphorically stabbing him to death in the surrounding parents' minds, he rushed through the locker rooms and into the lobby.

The buzz in his brain, the quiver of his body, kept him from returning to his son's side to help him with his skates. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and walked out the door. He lit a cigarette with a trembling hand and took a deep puff._Calm down, Edward, just breathe._

The back of his head met the brick wall. He closed his eyes, fighting against stinging tears as a familiar feeling settled in the bottom of his stomach.

_Failure_.

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**A/N: BEFORE you start throwing tomahtoes at me, I'll update twice today to catch up! Okay, so... we got some insight into Edward, and most of you are right in believing that he's druggie/alcoholic which is why his chapters are so confusing. **

_**Merci beaucoup**_** to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I was so excited to read all the reviews. *hands out snowman cookies* Also, *whispers* I'd really like it if this fic hit a 100 reviews with this chapter. I'm NOT gonna not update if it doesn't, I just really want it to. We're so close. **


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 6**

_Don't do this._

_He'll just make a scene._

_The kids won't want to see him anyway._

_He's an ass._

_Selfish, drunk prick._

_Listen to me: he's not even gonna come._

_Don't break your heart._

Every voice in her mind advised at her to stop, but she had promised herself. She would not be the one to give up on him. Besides, she had already talked to the kids, after all, it was Tanya's recital. She wanted him there, like he'd been there every time since she started playing. Trey had been...indifferent. He'd actually left the room at the mention of his father.

Isabella swiped at her tears again. She tried so hard over the past few weeks to forgive Edward, to move on, but she didn't want to. She wanted to find him, scream at him, hit him, blame him and make him realize the consequences of his fucking actions. She didn't understand how he could've done that. He'd always loved his children, even if he didn't love her. A sob tore from her lips and she muffled the following ones with her hands.

It was all falling apart.

Her family was...dying, and there's nothing she could do about it.

She didn't even know him anymore.

He was her Edward, but he wasn't. Inside he was the same, she knew that, but somehow he'd gotten tangled and twisted until she almost didn't recognize him. She wanted to run up to him and tear away the ropes that were holding him back, but she couldn't. She couldn't get through to him anymore.

That did not mean that she giving up hope.

She rubbed at her eyelids until the ache stopped. She grabbed her phone, on a mission. She typed the words and sent it before she could change her mind. As a mother, she wanted to protect her children from any harm. As a wife, she wanted to save her husband from his misery, give him joy and laughter.

Tonight, she could do neither, so she did the best she could.

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**A/N: Deep breaths, guise. Yes, Bella's being a bit...frustrating. Question: who's more frustrating, Edward or Bella? **

***squees* You are awesome. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! *hugs everybody* **


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 7**

The broad dipped low, her ass inches from his face. He shifted back a bit as Mike chuckled next to him. Edward rolled his eyes and got up, expertly maneuvering out of his chair so he didn't have to touch her. This was not what he had in mind when Mike suggested that they go out. Usually they went somewhere a little less...stripper-y. Usually, it was just a sports bar.

"Whiskey on the rocks," he called out to the bartender, sliding onto a stool.

"Edward? Edward Masen?" A shrill voice called out and Edward turned around to see a lean, tan woman with bouncy red curls in a corset. His lips curled into smile on their own accord.

"Vicky!" He pulled her into a tight hug. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, Eddie. You?" She leaned in to whisper. "What are you doing _here_?"

Edward shrugged. "I'm with a friend."

Vicky raised her eyebrows in surprise, but didn't comment on it. "Well, it's _certainly_ good to see you again, Mr. Masen. I hope you enjoy the show." She kissed his cheek before sauntering away. Edward's eyes slid down her back, right down to her perky little ass. He had good memories of that ass.

A cold glass thumped against his arm and he smiled in thanks at the bartender, Jason, before downing it. He welcomed the buzz and his mind wandered back to Vicky. What was she doing here? _Why_ was here? He thought she had a stable job at the firm. She always used to walk around in those sexy business skirts and tight tops when they dated. She always knew what she wanted and went after it. If Edward remembered anything about Vicky it was that she worked her ass off to get what she wanted and eventually, she did. Edward ordered another drink and slid a twenty to Jason, but Jason refused. When Edward asked why, Jason shrugged and said the drinks were paid for. Deciding to question his good luck, he sipped his whiskey as his mind focused on various things at once.

Mostly he was focused on Tanya's upcoming recital. Edward truly smiled for the first time in months when he saw the text from Bella. He'd even included a smiley face on his reply text, accepting his invitation. He hadn't missed a single recital since she started playing. He'd have to sober up before then, it was one of Bella's rules. She'd made him sit down and talk after the skate-rink incident, and though being around her made him uncomfortable, he couldn't blame her. She was only trying to protect the kids and hurt his heart when he realized that she was protecting them from _him. _Idly, he wondered how long it would take for the coke and alcohol to clear his system. A few days probably.

Tanya's recital was on the thirteenth and today was the sixth. That gives him about three days to let loose before he can see his Angel perform. He'd have to stop by the house to pick up his suit as well. He lost his key, but Bella kept a spare in the bushes. He would have to go when she was in school if he wanted to avoid her. He pulled out his phone and programed a reminder for himself so he didn't miss anything. He knocked back another shot before he realized that he was going to need something a bit more than vodka to erase the nagging feeling in the center of his chest. He slipped off his stool and into darkness.

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**A/N: *whistles and looks everywhere but directly at you***

**Thank you to all my reviewers who MADE MY DAY yesterday. *hands out lynzer's yummeh cookies* ;-)**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 8**

_Ding-dong._

_Ding-dong. _

Isabella placed the eggs in the fridge and went to get the door. She hadn't been expecting anyone.

_Could it be Edward? _Doubtful.

She sighed in relief and slight disappointment when she saw a smiling Alice on the other side of the glass door.

"What are you doing here?" Isabella said as she took Alice's jacket.

"Well, Tanya's recital is coming up, and I happen to know you haven't bought a dress for it yet. I'm here to take you shopping."

"But, Alice…"

"No buts." Alice glared at her best friend. "You have been cooped up in this house long enough. You need to live a little."

"I don't know what you are talking about. I'm outside everyday."

Alice huffed. "_Being _outside and _going_ out are two completely different things, Bella. You've been here and work for months, and I'm trying to be sensitive to your situation, but this is not healthy."

Isabella scoffed, her walls immediately erecting. "Well, what exactly do you suggest I do?" She sneered.

"Leave him." Alice continued at Isabella's gasp. "Bells, he's been treating you like shit for _months._ Quite honestly, I don't even know why you're still with him."

"You don't understand." Isabella hadn't expected such vitriol from Alice. Rose, yes, but not Alice.

"Then fucking enlighten me. I'm done walking on eggshells around you. I've given you time, Bella. Now, tell me what the hell you're thinking by keeping him in your life."

"I've been married to him for _eleven years,_ and you expect me to abandon him because he's been out of it for three months? He's lost, Alice. You know him better than this. You _know_ this isn't him." Isabella took a seat on the couch since it was clear they weren't leaving the house anytime soon. She was glad the kids were playing outside, out of earshot.

"I know, but I just want you to be happy, or at least do what's best for the kids. I mean, this can't be healthy for them either."

"I'm trying, Ali, but they love him and I'm not gonna be the one to separate them."

"And does _he_ love them back?"

Isabella answered confidently. "Yes."

"Have you talked to him? Set some rules after what happened at the rink?"

"Yeah, I talked to him. He didn't want to come back home, but I'm not going to just let him waltz into my kids lives' whenever he feels like it. We decided that he'll call me before he comes to visit, but he'll have to take them to a public place, and I'm giving Tanya a phone, just in case." Isabella twisted her fingers together tightly, her nails biting into her skin.

She absolutely loathed doing this to him. Setting up rules for him to see his own flesh and blood, but he let her down once, she wasn't taking another chance. Thankfully, the rink was only a block away, so they had walked there. She wasn't going to allow her kids to be in a vehicle driven by an alcoholic.

Alice sighed. "What about you? Are you just gonna wait for him to come back?"

"No, I...I promised him forever, but if he's like this, I can't do it. I've given him six months in my head to get his shit together. After that, we're done." Isabella's heart twisted at the thought of leaving him. Her love, her life. But she hardly recognized him anymore. This man that he had become was not the one that she fell in love with.

Alice smiled and took Isabella's hand in hers, rubbing it in comfort. She knew her best friend was in pain and she wanted to do was take it all away. "Hate to say it, but I'm glad."

Isabella laughed wryly. "Yeah, I'm not getting stuck. Not after Charlie."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, your father is ten times more dick-y than Edward."

"Did you just say 'dick-y'?" Isabella snorted.

Alice merely stuck her tongue at Isabella. "Okay, enough serious talk. Let's go shopping!"

With that, Isabella's boring evening was over.

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**A/N: Now that you got some answers, what do think of them? What would you do in Bella's situation?**

**Also, I messed with this chapter until the very end, so all mistakes are mine. **

***hands a cup of hot chocolate topped with marshmallows to all my reviewers 'cause it's snowing here and I donut like it* Muchas gracias, amigos. (As you can tell, I didn't take Spanish in HS.)**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 9**

Skin. There was so much skin. Everywhere. Hot, searing, so smooth against his fingers.

"He's nice, isn't he?" A breathy voice whispered.

"_Very_ nice."

"W-where am I?" He blinked, seeing but not processing.

Blonde, pale, red.

_Sting._

He drowned again.

.

.

.

Voices. Whispers. Low, warm, silky.

_Beautiful, brown. Home._

"_Bella?"_

_A smile. "Yes."_

"_What are you doing?"_

"_I'm here because you want me."_

"_No, I don't want...you're not..."_

"_You don't want me?" Tears. _

_His stomach churned."I…"_

"_I thought you loved me. You promised me!"_

"_But you…"_

_Anger. Seething. "What did I do, Edward? WHAT DID I DO?"_

_He felt it rise within him as well until he was towering over her. "Everything. You destroyed me! My soul. My spirit. And I will stop until I've done the same to you."_

_._

_._

_._

_A smiling face. Chubby cheeks. Sparkling eyes. Cute. Adorable. Mine._

_She had been such a tiny bundle. A warm, small, pink bundle._

_His hands shivered, but he held her sleeping form closer. He wouldn't be able to do this much longer; she was growing._

_._

_._

_._

"_Bella! Bella, can you believe this?!" A younger version of Edward sprinted through the living room. His hands shook with excitement, crumpling the papers he held._

_Bella jumped when he skidded to a stop at her side in the kitchen._

"_What is it, Edward?"_

"_I got into Juillard!" He picked her up and swung her around. She squealed and squirmed in his arms._

"_That's so awesome! I told you, you would!" She leaned in for a kiss, but he caught her in surprise, deepening the kiss, holding her against the island._

"_I love you, Isabella Swan. Forever."_

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.

.

Red hot flashes. Pain. Sweat. Shake, shake, shake.

_Liar. You're a liar! How could you do that to her?_

_She destroyed my life._

_It was your choice! You chose to stay here and take care of her. _None _of it is her fault._

_My mother raised me better than to leave behind a child._

_Your mother also raised you better than to leave behind your family._

"Oh my God, will you ever shut the fuck up?" A low voice called from miles away.

Edward flipped off the general vicinity of where the voice came from and smiled when he felt a pinch in his side.

.

.

.

"_What do you want for Christmas, baby?"_

_Edward flashed a silly smile. "You."_

_Bella huffed and rolled her eyes. "Something you don't already have."_

"_Then I already have all I want." He pulled her close. She was so warm in his arms. She was so fucking beautiful, and she was his. "What do you want?" he whispered in her ear._

_She giggled as his hot breath tickled her. "Free. I want to be free."_

_Her words were cold water on a winter morning. His arms tightened around hers. His eyes clouded with anger. "Next year," he promised solemnly. _

.

.

.

He gasped. His heart twisted. His skin glistened under the cheap fluorescent light. His fingers were buried in his hair, bile in his throat.

"More," he rasped.

He would take it all.

He would take everything to forget.

* * *

~.*.~

* * *

**A/N: So, that happened. What the hell is going on, Nikki? **

_**Answer #1 **_******(Most of the credit goes to the writers of _Supernatural_ who are, as always, awesomesauce.) **

**The Nicer-Me - *stomps into the room, throws her hands on her hips and gives a major bitch-brow* Oh my gawd, why are you torturing my poor babies? Get them some damn answers already, you assbutt! **

**The Devil-In-Me - Aw, keeping talking dirty, baby girl. It makes my insides all gooey. *smiles, unfazed* **

**_Answer #2_**

**Patience, my friends, answers will start revealing themselves in about...3-4 chapters. **

**Thank you for sticking around. (Also, for those who asked, Lynzer cookies are cookies made by my Twitter friend, Lynzer, and I live in Chicago.)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Music: **'Say Something' by Christina Aguilera & A Great Big World and 'Oceans' by Evanescence.

* * *

**CHAPTER 10**

With Isabella trying to get a grip on work and home life and Tanya's daily rehearsals, the past few days had flown by. Ever since Edward had lost his store, she became the single provider for the family, and now she had to take care of the kids as well. Her brain was fried and her body exhausted, even though Tanya often helped to maintain the household, so she barely had any time to think about her personal life. She knew she had to leave him, that this six-month deal she made with herself was wearing too thin. She thought that he'd at least begin to realize what he was doing by now and attempt to get better, but she could see that this wasn't going anywhere.

He had to go.

She had to leave him.

How?

How could she leave him when the mere thought hurts her worse than anything she'd ever felt before? How could she leave her love, her life? How could she leave the only family she'd ever known? How could she leave her savior?

But how could she stay? He'd done nothing but break hearts and promises for the past three months. It was as if their last eleven years together didn't matter. Was this all she was worth?

She thought back that Christmas, their first Christmas. They'd felt so invincible, so in love. He'd promised her to the sun and back. He'd promised her freedom and followed through. He'd taken her away from her Father and gave her a home for the very first time.

_So many promises._

They weren't perfect. They'd had their quarrels, their battles. They'd both been to Hell and back. As teenagers, their realities had been too much for the other. Their passion, their love, their scars had caused them to part once, but this time...a divorce...it would be final. It was something that Isabella's entire being shied away from, but she had to be strong for the kids. In the end, they're all it came down to. A better life for them.

"Mama?"

Isabella jumped, her comb clattering on the counter. "Yeah, Tan?"

"Nothing. You've just been here for a while."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"M'kay." But Tanya didn't leave. Instead, she leaned against the door frame and toed the floor nervously.

A bittersweet smile shot across Isabella's face, Edward did the same thing. "What is it?"

Tanya didn't answer for a bit, when she did, tears choked her voice. "You and daddy are not going to be together, are you?"

Shock jolted Isabella's heart. She rushed to her daughter's side. "Why would you think that?"

Tanya laughed humorlessly. "He doesn't really come home and when he does, you don't talk. He hurt you, Mama, but there's something wrong with him, too. He's weird. You're not happy with each other, and when Carly's Mama wasn't happy with her Dad, they got a divorce."

"What do you think about it?"

"What? Divorce?"

"Yes."

Tanya shrugged, downplaying the hurt swirling inside of her. She couldn't be selfish now. "You shouldn't live with someone who makes you sad. I love Daddy, but like Carly, I can go see him sometimes."

"But, Tanya, a divorce... it's complicated and you might not be able to see Daddy for a while. You won't be able to see him everyday and—"

"_Mama, _I just want you and Daddy to be happy, and it's okay if it's not with each other." Tanya threw her hands around Isabella's neck. "You tried, Mama," she whimpered.

_Oh, Edward, what have you done? Do you see? _Isabella closed her eyes as buried her face in Tanya's shoulder. Her frame trembled as she felt her flimsy reasons to hold onto him tumble, scattering across the floor. Isabella took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Okay."

Tanya pulled back, smiling through her tears. "Okay."

Isabella let out a short laugh, breaking the silence. "I love you, baby. Always."

"I love you, too, Mama."

"So." Isabella sighed. "You should go and get ready. It's almost time."

"Yeah. I... Yeah."

"What is it? Tell me."

"It's been...different. Daddy usually practices with me, ya know?" Tanya mumbled, her lips quivering.

_Of course. _"Is that why you've been upset all week?" Isabella said, connecting the dots in her mind. How could she have been so inattentive?

When Tanya nodded, Isabella felt another crack form on her heart, but her resolve strengthened. She had to stop hoping, that much was clear. It was hurting her children. She had to get out before she couldn't anymore.

"I'm sorry, baby." She wiped her daughter's tears and straightened her hair.

"It's okay, Mama. It's...better now that I told you. I miss him." A fresh set of tears welled up in Tanya's eyes, and Isabella pulled her so close, unable to offer anything but physical comfort. She whispered half-promises into Tanya's ears until the lump in her throat got too big to speak over. So she simply sat on the bathroom floor and held her daughter in her arms, rocking slightly, fighting the whimpers that threatened to escape her lips.

It was how Trey found them a few minutes later. He didn't say anything as he settled next to Tanya and wrapped his arms around them.

"It will be okay, Mom. We're stronger than you think," he whispered.

~.o0o.~

"It's about time you got here. You look _gorgeous!_" Alice squealed, bouncing up to Isabella.

Isabella smiled as she found herself being pulled into a tight hug from a beautiful Alice. It always amazed Isabella how naturally beautiful Alice is. She reminded Isabella of Tinkerbell with black hair.

"How are you, girlie?" Rose whispered, hugging her lightly.

"It's good to see you again, Rose."

Rose raised an eyebrow. "You didn't answer my question."

"I...I think I'm getting a divorce." Isabella nodded, for herself and her friends. Alice was the only one that gasped. Rose just looked at her best friend and smiled.

"I'm proud of you, Bella. I know you love him. We do too, but you're more important." She winked.

A shy smile lit up Isabella's face. She hadn't assumed that they'd stay; they knew Edward first. "Thank you."

"I'm so glad you're putting yourself first, B. About damn time." Alice, ever the eloquent, said before questioning Isabella of her son's whereabouts.

"Oh, he's with Elizabeth."

Alice's eyes widened. "She's here?"

"Yeah."

"And you talked to her about..."

"She's okay with it." Isabella smiled, remembering the pure anger in Elizabeth's face when she repeated her conversation with Tanya. She'd threatened to rip her son's balls off the next time she saw him.

"I always knew I liked her," Rose quipped. "Come on, let's get to our seats."

"WAIT!" A deep voice squeaked from Isabella. She turned to face a blond man in a shabby suit and red-rimmed eyes. "Are you Isabella Cullen?"

"Yes?"

The man stopped a few feet away, panting. "Have you seen Edward?"

"Why would've I have seen him?" Her brows furrowed together in confusion.

"Because if he's not with me, then he's with you."

"_What?"_

"I didn't mean like that. I just, um, I haven't seen Edward in a while, so I was just wondering if you knew where he is."

"No."

"Are you his dealer?" Rose stepped up, her words causing Isabella to freeze.

Mike mumbled a hesitant 'yes', and Isabella gasped. Her mind twisted and turned, trying to process this piece of information. _A dealer. _As in drugs. As in Edward took drugs. She...she'd left the kids alone with him! How could she have been so stupid?! A startled cry fell from her mouth.

"Bells?" Alice shook her arm. "Bella!"

Isabella shivered, jolting back to reality. She glared at the blond man. "How long?" For all the rage that clouded her mind, her voice was meek.

"I..." He shook his head as if to clear his mind. "A few months. Maybe. I dunno."

A few months... from their first fight, probably before, Edward had been taking drugs. He was probably an addict. Isabella shook with anger.

"Get out."

"Bells," Alice whispered as she took her hand and held her back.

Mike didn't need to be told twice. The minute he was out of sight, Isabella turned to her friends. "Obviously, Edward's not gonna show. Let's not wait for him."

With her head held high, she strolled through the open doors and took her seat. She didn't think about the empty seat to her. She didn't waste another second on the pathetic excuse for a man she'd just met. She didn't notice the disappointment that twisted in Tanya's face when she didn't see her Daddy in the audience. She simply focused on her daughter's performance and soaked it all in.

It wasn't until the night was over and Isabella returned to an empty house (Elizabeth took the kids over to her house) did she fall apart. Sobbing and screaming, she barged into their room and ripped it apart

By the time she was done, there was nothing left.

* * *

~.*.~

* * *

**A/N: What is this? A normal-lengthish chapter for me? God, the world's gonna end. Hehe. Okay, so that should explain some situations to you and I'm sure, from the reviews I've gotten, that most of you are quite happy with the turn of events. **

**Thank you for all comments. Good, bad, confused, or angry, I want your thoughts. xoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 11**

"_Daddy! Daddy, catch me!" Tanny squealed as she ran around the furniture._

_Edward let out an exaggerated sigh. "But, Daddy is tired," he whined, knowing it'd be no use. She was in one of those moods._

"_But dadddddyyyyy," she whined right back. She even bounced on the seat next to him for a good measure before he caught her mid-jump and laid her down for a tickle-fest. Soon, the apartment was filled with high-pitched screams and broken words._

_._

_._

_._

He grabbed the tourniquet with his teeth and pulled it lightly to make sure it was secure. He methodically slapped the inside of his elbow a few times and placed the needle against his vein. His head fell back on the chair as he felt the numbness set in...or was it a headboard? It didn't matter.

He took a deep breath and relaxed into the chair/bed.

Slowly but surely, she appeared.

He didn't notice her at first, but when she sat across from him and flashed him a big smile, he couldn't ignore her. She was different. This Bella...she didn't disgust him. She was merely always there, smiling, observing, replying to his slurs with smart-ass comments that made him laugh.

"You came," he whispered. He had been afraid she was gone. He hadn't seen her in a while.

"Of course, I did."

"Good."

.

.

.

_She shouldn't be with him. That jerk._

_He shouldn't mind. Rationally, logically, he shouldn't give a damn about her, but he did. He didn't know what kind of spell she put on him, but he was enchanted. His eyes stayed glued to her whenever she entered the room. He hung onto every single word she said like a pathetic loser._

_It pissed him off, actually._

_Everything pissed him off lately, starting the flat-nosed prick that was hugging Bella to the make-up caked on Vicky's face. Bella never wore any make-up, and she looked fantastic even if she's... _pregnant.

_He shivered lightly and pulled his jacket closer to him as he stalked toward the happy couple. It didn't bother him one bit that the only thought that ran through his mind was 'mine'._

.

.

.

_They were inches apart. He was towering over her. His mouth spewed shit that he couldn't remember. He slammed his hand on the wall next to her. Her face said everything._

_Fear._

_Anxiety._

_Heartbreak._

_He was so focused on her face that he didn't see his change. He didn't notice his darker hair, wrinkled skin, and beer gut until the very end. That was anightlso when he noticed the blade in his hand._

He choked on air, blinking to erase the nightmare from mind. He wanted to take it, bleach it and burn it.

He grabbed the package from the nightstand and wrapped the tourniquet around his arm.

"Dude, you just had some."

"Fuck you." He shoved the needle in his other arm, and pushed the liquid in quickly. The faster, the better. Soon the nightmare would be gone.

.

.

.

"_Let's take a walk," she whispered._

He followed.

"_I miss this."_

"Me, too."

Fresh, cold air. Bright, warm sun. They stung. He shuddered.

There was no one to stop him. They were all gone now. He didn't know where they went. He didn't care, as long as they brought back a gift. They always did, and he loved it. It always felt good.

Like Bella's soft skin.

She had the best skin. He remembered the first time he touched her. It was at Prom. The dress she wore was the sexiest thing he'd never seen. It had a bare back that stopped just above her ass. He never found out how she'd agreed to wear that, but Edward was oh-so-glad. Except for when the other douche bags tried to sneak peeks at his girl. That was awful since, Bella would never let him do anything to them.

His eyes narrowed when the lobby moved. "_Edward?" _She sounded angry.

His hand shot out, grabbing the back of chair by instinct. "_Edward Anthony Masen!" _Why was she so far away?

His mind whirled. "_You sonofabitch!" Don't say that._

He fell into the awaiting blackness.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, another confusing chapter, but in reality, there's a fuckton of clues in *points up*. I can't wait to read your theories! Also, if you're inclined, I added some chapter music to last chapter which I played on repeat while writing it, so check it out. ;-) **

***BIG HUGS* to all my readers and reviewers. Thank you for your time, patience and words. (Can we hit 200 reviews? Pretty please? Love you guys. So much.)**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 12**

_Holy fuck. Holy fuck._

_Am I really doing this?_

She took in her surroundings. Grayish-white walls, abstract painting, flower pot in a corner, leather rolly-chairs, huge desk, piles of paper on desk, and a black-haired man with piercing blue eyes standing right in front of her. Yup, she was.

She was _actually_ here. Filing for a divorce that would forever separate her from Edward.

_Holy fucking shit._

The dark-haired man, her lawyer, smiled at Isabella. "I'm so sorry for the wait, ma'am. I am Marcus Velathri. It's a pleasure." He held his hand out, and Isabella faintly shook it.

"Isabella Masen. Call me Bella"

He smiled warmly. "And how are you doing today, Bella?"

"Peachy."

Marcus chuckled. "Why don't we have a seat so we can talk."

"Of course." Isabella breathed in deeply as she sat on a leather chair. _Damn, it's comfortable._ But she was anything but. She knew this was the right thing, but her insides resembled a pair of earphones after it had sitting in the bottom of your purse for a week.

"Alright, so I have it down as you are filing for a divorce from a Mr. Edward Anthony Masen, correct?" He pulled out a pad from his desk.

"Yes." _Breathe._

"How long have you two been married?"

"Since February 14, 2000."

"When did you do separate?"

"Technically?"

"End of March, beginning of April. Kind of."

"Uh, and may I ask why?"

"He...he realized that I wasn't what he wanted."

"But you still love him?"

"I love...who he was. But this man that he's become...not so much. It's not healthy and I have to think about the kids."

"You do have kids?"

"Yes, two. Tanya is thirteen and Dimitri is ten."

"Almost teenagers. Fun times." He snorted, his eyes twinkling.

Isabella laughed along with him. "_Yup. _But they're great kids."

"I'm sure they are."

"So, knowing what you know about Mr. Masen, would he want full-custody of the kids? I need to know what to expect."

"Um, I'm pretty sure he won't take the kids away from me, but would want to see them."

"And are you okay with this?"

"Yes, he can visit the kids as long as he's...clean."

Marcus sighed. "Mr. Masen uses drugs?"

"Apparently." Isabella couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice.

"Do you know this for a fact?"

"Yes."

"I see..."

"Will this... affect the divorce?"

"Oh, no, I'm just... I'm just wondering what the hell the man was thinking. Pardon my language." He shot her a wry smile. "My wife would castrate me if I tried something like this on her."

Isabella scoffed. "I...I'm just done with him."

"If I might say, I am sorry that he hurt you so deeply, Bella. You seem like a wonderful woman, one that is willing to stand by him."

"How exactly did you figure that out?" Isabella wasn't angry, simply curious. She decided that she liked Marcus a while ago. He was straight-forward man and although he was older, his eyes glimmered with mischief and knowledge.

"You said you separated in April. This is June." He shrugged and winked at Isabella.

Isabella rolled her eyes. "I guess that I hoped he'd eventually come around."

Marcus clenched his jaw, but didn't answer. There was something about this woman that made him want to steal her away and hide her in a damn cave for the rest of her life. She was spitfire, but at the same time, she was timid and hesitant. It made him want to kill the bastard who did this to her. The last time he'd felt so strongly about a woman, he'd married her. That was still the best decision of his life. But seeing this tiny, fragile woman who'd managed to endure Hell sitting in front of him, he silently promised her that he'd do whatever he could to make her smile.

~.o0o.~

The meeting had taken less time than expected, so Isabella decided to get a snack before going to pick her kids up. She strolled along the sidewalk, slipping in and out of reality and her thoughts as she headed to the Starbucks down the street.

_Starbucks._

She didn't remember the last time she'd been to one. Edward was always obsessed with the store; he could probably recite the menu in his sleep.

The noise that came out of her was inhuman as she stepped into the coffee shop. Coffee was an indulgence for her, one that she'd learned to love. She loved the smell of it, and the lemon pound cake on the counter looked absolutely delicious. As she rattled off her order of a Venti Caramel Macchiato with two pumps and a slice of pound cake, her mind flashed back to the first time she'd visited Starbucks with Edward. He'd been so excited, bouncing slightly, grinning at her. When she'd asked why he was so bouncy, he'd let her in on a secret—the first of many—his father had taken him to Starbucks every month. It was his special way to letting her into his life.

Isabella sighed, her heart heavy. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They were supposed to have a happy ever after. Considering everything they'd been through together and apart, they deserved it. But instead, they'd let the distance in between get longer and longer until it'd been impossible for the other to catch up.

Isabella gasped as she tumbled forward lightly. She spun to face her pusher. She was met with concerned brown eyes.

"Ma'am, your phone's ringing," the stranger said.

Isabella blinked a few times, her mind still stuck in the past, before digging into her bag and muttering a 'thanks' to the brown-eyed man.

"Hello," she squeaked into the speaker before clearing her throat.

"Hello, we are calling from River Valley Medical Center. Is this Mrs. Isabella Masen speaking?" Mute, she nodded. Then, she realized they couldn't see her, so she whispered a 'yes'. Her mind was racing with possibilities. Her body had kicked into overdrive within a matter of seconds. She was already hurrying out the door, her forgotten coffee be damned, as she rushed to her car.

"We are calling in behalf of Mr. Edward Masen." Isabella stopped dead in her tracks. "You are listed as his wife and emergency contact. He is currently in the ER, so please get here as soon as possible. Do you know the hospital's location, ma'am?"

"Uh... yes. I do. Is...is he _okay?_"

"Ma'am, we suggest you get here as soon as possible. The doctor will be able to explain his situation to you once you are here."

"Okay. I'll be there."

_Please be okay. I'm begging you._

* * *

~.*.~

* * *

**A/N: Umm, yeah, heavy stuff. *goes incognito* Anyway, it's 12:18 a.m. here, so technically I didn't update for two days, but you know me, I'll catch up. ;-) I've been busy with finals. Blergh.**

***waves to all the new readers* Hello, I don't know where you came from, but I'm glad you're here. Hope you're enjoy this little ride! Everyone that reviewed, as always *hands out virtual snowman cookies 'cause I made a snowman today which really is just a three shapeless lumps of snow with a face (creepy, I know)* **

**Also, special thanks to at pugridesshotgun for helping me with all the legal-stuffs 'cause I'm absolutely clueless when it comes to that. Love ya!**

**So, yeah, see ya soon, my beautiful readers. xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 13**

_The wind swirled around him, sucking and shoving. Its deafening roar drowned his gasps, his cries of discomfort. Though the noise, Edward heard a single beep. It was a constant in the middle of the storm. He closed his eyes and focused on the beeping until it was blaring in his ears, piercing his every thought, awakening him..._

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Edward stirred and took a deep breath. It echoed around him as if he was dragon breathing in a cave.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

He detected a faint clicking noise. Curiosity seeped in, but he couldn't bring himself to awaken completely. Something was holding him back. Something stronger than he was at the moment. The door opened and closed. Clothes rustled.

"Vic-Victoria?" A faint, familiar voice. _Bella._

"Bella!" A squeal. Footsteps and a small 'oomph'. Edward chuckled internally. Bella hated being hugged by people she wasn't familiar with. "How are you?"

"Uhh, I'm fine. W-what are you doing here?" Her voice hitched. Edward noticed a twinge of jealousy in Bella's voice. Bella never liked Victoria.

"I'm the one who found him. I just...I wanted to stay and make sure he's alright." _She found me?_

"Oh. How did you..." Bella trailed off.

"Come on, have a seat and I'll explain." Victoria's voice was suspiciously caring.

"I...I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but I know enough about Edward to know that it's bad. I mean, I just... I've never seen him like this before. I'm sure it has something to do with you." _It has everything to do with her. _"I met him at a strip-club, Bella." A soft gasp. "I'd gone there to drop off something for a friend, and when I saw him, I was so shocked. He was so...drunk and _off._ I immediately knew there was something wrong. I just never realized how bad it was until he called me yesterday. Bella, I have to tell you. I'm not trying to steal him from you, or anything like that. I just want him happy." Victoria paused before continuing. "I'm positive that he was on drugs when he called, though that doesn't excuse his behavior, but he wanted me to come and _take care_ of him." Bella scoffed. He frowned. _She scoffed. Almost as if...she expected this of me. She thinks so little of me? That little bitch. I saved her fucking life. _"Of course, I went to him, not to do as he requested, but to help him, and...well, I found him like this."

It was silent for a few minutes until Bella spoke, "I suppose should thank you for saving him. Though, I don't want anything to do with him, I don't want him dead either...for the kids' sake." _She...she didn't want anything to do with me? _His insides tightened painfully. He didn't know why. He didn't understand his body's reaction to Bella. "Victoria, would you mind if I spend some time along with Edward?"

"Of course not. I'll be right outside if you need anything." More noises and a door closed.

She moved closer; he could feel her. "You know, all my life I've felt as if I'm indebted to you, and so when you...left the house that night, I made a promise to myself that I'll give you some time to collect yourself. Perhaps I waited too long, and I will always love the Edward that you were, but I can't do this anymore." Edward's heart-rate spiked. _What the hell was she talking about? _"I don't know if you can hear me, but it's not just about me anymore. We have kids. I have to think of the kids and what's best for them. And I know if the Edward I fell in love with is still in there somewhere, he'd fight me on this, but I'm not gonna change my mind. We're...done." Her voice broke. There was more noises and scribbling. "I'm done with you. Hopefully, for the kid's sake, you won't put up a fight and just...go through with the divorce."

Edward's brain paused for a split-second before sprinting through all the possibilities. _She...she can't _actually _leave me. She loves me. She can't...she..._

"Edward? Edward?!" He felt the world closing in around him. He gasped as the air he breathed thinned. His heart pounded in his ears. He became hyper-aware of every single thing that was happening around. He blinked, his eyes adjusting to the bright lights... and Bella's concerned face.

"That is such a bullshit excuse. You can't leave me. You can't fucking file for a divorce!" His voice cracked. He stared incredulous at his wife. "You _can't leave me. _You fucking promised!" He glared at Bella. His blood boiled under his skin.

The shock on Bella's face turned into something uglier: fear. "Edward..."

He struggled to sit up in the bed. What the hell was this woman thinking?

"Edward, stop! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

"You're a liar," he spit out. "You're a fucking liar. You promised me forever. You can't just _divorce me._ You can't—" He froze at the sudden numbness filtering through his system. His voice blurred as the methadone dunked into darkness.

~.o0o.~

_Ugh, why am I still here?_

"'Cause you're an idiot." A bitter voice cut clear through his sleepiness.

He smiled lazily. "Vicky, what are you still doing here?"

"I don't know, Edward. I mean, you kinda fucking disgust me, so... yeah, I don't know."

"Damn, harsh, what did I do to you?" He rubbed his eyes. "How long have I been out?"

"A few days. They had to sedate you after your little incident," she sneered.

"What incident?" His head was still foggy, his thoughts jumbled together.

She snorted. "You don't even remember? Well, let me do the honors. Bella came to see you _minutes _after she heard about you, _even_ after all the shit you've done to her, and you yelled at her."

Shame trickled into his soul. "Why?" He remembered bits and pieces, but not enough to understand any of it.

"Because she grew a backbone and filed for a divorce."

His eyes flew to hers. "A divorce?" he squeaked. Suddenly, he wished he hadn't woke.

"Oh, calm down. From what I hear, you had it coming." Victoria sounded so...blasé about the entire situation compared to Edward, whose hands were trembling. Bella was _leaving_ him. Vicky finally turned to face him. "If you don't mind me asking...what happened?"

_What happened indeed..._

"I...I don't know. I..." He remembered the hate, the disgust, the anger, but he couldn't find them anywhere. He was empty...and alone. "I don't know, Vicky. I just..."

"Made the biggest mistake of your life? Yeah, well, that just _sucks ass."_

* * *

~.*.~

* * *

**A/N: *dives under the covers* Wow, Edward is... ass-butt-y, huh? I expect shouty caps. ;-) **

**Thank you, again, to all my reviewers. Y'all make my morning with your awesomeness. xoxo**


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 14**

Isabella was an avid reader. When she was little, she used to read anything that she could get her hands on, be it romance, sci-fi or horror. She appropriately swooned over Mr. Darcy (though he was kind of a dick in the beginning), gasped at Dune, and refused to sleep with the lights off after reading Stephen King. But Isabella was a realistic. Even early on in her life, she'd made a defined line between fiction and reality, and as she grew up, she began to realize that sometimes they could bleed together, that a protagonist in the novel doesn't always end up with the heroine, that there were sweet boys out there that opened doors for you and whispered the beautiful things.

After all, her first boyfriend had been one of those sweet boys. She still didn't understand how he managed to weasel his way into her fort, but he did and brought her walls down with him.

If she believed in it, she'd call it fate. This gorgeous boy who always knew what to say, what to do, became her boyfriend. He protected her from everything she couldn't handle herself and grumbled about her putting herself in danger. He held her when she was sad, wiped her tears when she cried, and talked her down when he was mad.

If she didn't know better, she'd say he was her soul-mate. No one in this world was perfect, but somehow Isabella was lucky enough to find the one that was perfect her so early on her life. Or so she thought...

She sighed lightly before focusing the pages in front of her. The student was a great writer, but she completely missed the point of the movie. Isabella was conflicted. She weighed the student's participation to what she wrote on paper and quickly jotted down a grade before she could change her mind.

This was how she had been spending her time, buried in work. Of course, she still made time for her kids and friends. She'd quickly caught on that the more busy her mind, the less she'll time of him. So far, this strategy had been working quite well. It had been five months since she filed for divorce, since Edward over-dosed and was admitted into a rehab program, since Isabella regained some illusion of control over her own life. She hadn't seen him in about two months, since their lawyers had insisted that they meet and discuss. Isabella almost scraped the skin inside of her palm off, but on the outside, she made sure to remain calm and collected. It was hard seeing him, seeing such a familiar face with slight hostility. She had "glared" at him enough times to memorize his face, and when she returned that night, she had dissected every inch of it only to realize that he was a walking paradox. His face had been flat and emotionless, cold and distant. In the moments she dared to look at his eyes, she saw nothing but an overwhelming amount of guilt, regret and longing. She'd flinched at the pain in his eyes and ran away like coward before she felt it, too.

She didn't want to go back to what they used to be. That was not possible. Nothing could erase his words, the memory of the bruises. No matter how many times he said he loved her, she could never completely forgive him. So, she actively tried to move on,k ept every second of her day focused on anything that required her attention. She pursued innovative ways to teach better. She spend as much time as possible with her kids. She took a cooking class. She followed Ali's advice and went to see a therapist. She never really took care of what happened with Charlie, and Ali had been right. One of the reasons Isabella was hesitant to leave Edward was because of her deep-rooted fear of being alone. In more ways than one, Edward and his family was the only family she'd ever known. She'd talked to Jane extensively about this, and the more she talked, the more liberated she felt. Isabella could finally tell someone everything. She didn't have to sugarcoat or act like it didn't really matter. She bared her soul to a stranger and it felt as if a world had been lifted off of her.

Ring-ring...ring-ring...rin—

Isabella grabbed her phone and accepted the call without looking at who it is.

"Hello?"

All she heard was a gasp before the line disconnected.

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~.*.~

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**A/N: I could make all the excuses in the world for this being so late, but I'll give you one that y'all understand: RL. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed for last chapter! *hugs* (BTW: Who do you think the caller is?) I'm also working on getting you some fluff rn, hopefully I can post it sooner than later! **


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 15**

Edward threw his phone against the wall.

He couldn't do this.

He simply couldn't barge into her life again. She deserved better. He'd seen her every once in while, here and there around town, and she looked happy. Now, he was going to take that away. But he had to do this, because if it were him, he'd want it, the closure, the reasons. He didn't know how he was going to manage to be in the same room as her. Merely _thinking_ about her hurt like hell. He couldn't even say her name anymore without having all his fucking demons flood back into him.

_Fucking hell._

He growled under his breath as he gathered his things. He needed to do this, and he knew he just the person who would make sure that he did. Grabbing the car keys from the counter, he locked the door behind and headed to Vicky's.

He remained completely focused on the road before him, his eyes taking in everything from the faded grey t-shirt a runner was wearing to the silver pocket watch the old man was staring at as his dog shit on the sidewalk. But that was too little stimulation for him and before he realized it, his mind wandered back to _her._ Her voice on the phone – he hadn't talked to her in months. She sounded so tired. He wondered if she was sick. Who would take care of the kids if she was sick? Rose, probably. He was glad Bella had Rose. He cringed as he remembered the one time he made the mistake of approaching his childhood friend at the grocery store.

But then again, he deserved it. All of it and more.

Edward parked in front of Vicky's home and grinned when he saw the pink garage door. Lauren, Vicky's seven year old daughter, was _obsessed_ with pink, and just last week, she was begging her dad, James, to paint the whole house pink. Edward guessed they'd reached a compromise of sorts. He punched in the pin number for the garage and shuffled in, closing the garage door behind him. He took off his shoes before he entered the kitchen.

"Heeeyyyy, look who's here, Ren!" Vicky's voice carried through the house. Edward heard the TV pause, and little thumps sounded down the hallway until Lauren appeared in pink pajamas and huge smile.

"Uncle Edward!" She squealed as he lifted her up in the air. Kind of. The girl was seven, not three. A pang shot through his chest as Lauren hugged him close before wiggling down. He missed _his _girl. Of course, it had been a while since he'd been able to lift Tanya, but it'd been over six months since the last time she'd hugged him. He rubbed his chest absentmindedly as if to ease the pain.

"So?"

He jolted out of his reverie. "Hmph?"

Vicky rolled her eyes. "When are you guys meeting up?"

Blood rushed to Edward's face. "I...haven't talked to her yet."

"Edward Anthony Masen." Vicky glared at him.

He smiled sheepishly. "I just... I can't, okay? I mean, I have no right to barrel back into her life like this. A clean break is so much better." Pain rushed across his face. He knew that wasn't really what he wanted. Once, this situation had been what he craved, but now... with a clear mind, this was a nightmare that he wished he could wake from.

"Lauren, dear, why don't you go to the living room? I'll be right there." Her voice was ice-cold.

Edward resisted the urge to cover his balls. Lauren, being the good little girl that she was, simply smiled and left. Edward wanted to scream after her. Vicky took a step forward, and Edward scurried back. He didn't know what he did wrong. He was simply considering Bella's feelings. Wasn't that what he was _supposed_ to do? "Edward. This is not about _you, _it's about her."

"I know, I just—"

"Stop!" She snarled at him. "No, you don't know. You have to make amends, Edward! Or at least _try _to. You know this from the meetings, it's about honesty and closure. I get that you don't want to hurt her anymore, but this is _her_ choice. You're giving her the choice of wanting to hear everything out. If she doesn't, _then_ you can do a clean break—which, by the way, is not possible considering Trey and Tanya—but still, her choice, Edward. Call her, Edward. At least try to right your wrongs. You can use one of the guest rooms. James is upstairs, too."

Edward sighed. _Fucking women. Will I ever understand them? _"Fine."

She grinned at him before heading back to the living room for _another_ re-run of The Little Mermaid. Edward stomped upstairs, a bit pissed at himself for being a coward because somewhere in the middle of Vicky's rant, Edward realized that he wasn't completely about his nerves... he was afraid of Bella's rejection.

"You know, I was gonna congratulate you for moving forward from the 'pussy' status, but guess not." James leered at him.

Edward scoffed. "See you're still a dick."

James threw his hand over his heart. "Oh, _how could you, Eddie?_ You break my heart," he teased in a high-pitched voice. He even pouted for a good measure.

"How does Vicky put up with you again?" Edward sighed.

"He has talented fingers," Vicky hollered from downstairs, and James wiggled his fingers in front of Edward's face without missing a beat.

"I love you too, baby," James called out before throwing his arm around Edward and dragging him to his office. James slid into his seat and stared at Edward, all amusement void from his face.

"Well?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I didn't do anything... I just... it's hard. I mean, to tell her _everything_, and I know she deserves to know, but it's just—"

"You're a prideful alpha male with an ego the size of Asia. I get it." James shrugged. "But you're also the one who's living in a run-down apartment, tinkering with a broken guitar all day by yourself."

Edward sighed. He wasn't being prideful.. was he? He didn't know. All he knew was that he needed Bella and his kids a whole lot more than whatever the hell that was holding him back. He should've told Bella everything before. Hell, they had been married for eleven years. They weren't supposed to have any secrets, but that topic never came up, and he'd been too ashamed to tell her.

"Edward." James squeezed his shoulder. A small gesture. _**I **__am here for you_.

Edward grabbed his phone from his pocket and grimaced at the shattered screen. He typed in Bella's number and waited as the phone rang. He focused on taking deep breaths, clearing his mind like Aro had taught him.

The ringing stopped and a feminine voice spoke, "Hello?"

"Be—" He cleared his throat. "Bella?"

A pause. "Edward?"

"Yeah, this, uh, this is Edward."

"Oh," she replied flatly, and fear seized Edward's heart.

"Please don't hang up! I...I just um, how are you?"

"Are you serious?" He could imagine her face, eyes wide, eyebrows high, lips straight. A smile crossed Edward's lips at the thought. She sighed. "Why are you calling, Edward?"

"Oh, um, well, I was hoping we could talk...about everything."

"You want to talk?" Her voice was small, hesitant and scared. Edward tugged on his hair in frustration, finding pleasure in the pain.

"Yes. I... there are some things you should know and um, I just..."

"Okay. Why don't you come to the house tomorrow? The kids are planning to spend the day at Beth's anyway."

"Tomorrow?" He squeaked.

"Is that too soon?"

"Um, I...no, no. What time?"

"How about ten?"

"Oh. Cool. I'll, um, I'll be there."

"Great."

"Okay. Bye."

"Yeah, take care."

"You, too."

The line went dead.

"So...tomorrow, huh?" James tapped his pen on his wooden desk to a rhythmless tune.

"Yup."

"You're okay with it?"

"Of course," Edward replied, his voice void of emotion.

James sighed. He was afraid that this might be too soon for Edward. As glad as he was that Bella seemed willing to talk and as much as he knew Edward needed this, he had to look at this from a sponsor's perspective, not a friend. This could be a major trigger for Edward. James could already see the nerves creeping up on him, and the last thing he needed was to slip back into the "comfort" of drugs. James was afraid for his friend, and out of this fear, he asked Edward to stay the night. To his surprise, Edward simply nodded.

The night flew by with practiced comfort. It wasn't often that Edward stayed over, but they'd been his only friends for six months. It was safe to say that he hung out with them a lot. Vicky had hugged him when they came downstairs, and Edward spent the next few hours playing with Lauren. He was there, but not really. Everyone noticed. No one said anything. When Edward left to sleep in the guest room, Vicky and James stayed up for a bit to make sure that he didn't sneak out.

By the time Edward woke, Vicky was up and running, flipping pancakes in the kitchen. He'd had a dreamless sleep, and when he'd awaken, he'd almost thought he was in a dream. For a minute, he thought he was back in his house with his Bella. In that moment, the last year had not happened. Everything had been perfect again...until he rubbed his eyes of sleep and took in his surroundings. He stumbled out of bed, slowly rubbing at the pain in his chest. He brushed his teeth using the spare in the second bathroom and washed his face while he was there.

Walking into the kitchen, his heart stopped. Lauren sat across from James, grinning goofily at him as he stuck his tongue out at her. She dipped the brush back into the tiny bottle and brought out sparkly pink colored liquid to paint James' nails.

Pain washed over Edward's body, drowning him in a memory.

"—_and then, Marcus poured all the sparkles on Arrow's head. That was kinda mean, don'chu think?" Tanya looked up at her father expectantly._

"_I don't know, princess, Arrow was awfully mean to you," Edward teased._

"_Well, _yeah." _Tanya rolled her eyes and tugged Edward's hand closer. With a look of complete concentration, she painted Edward's pointer finger purple. "But Arrow's gonna have sparkly hair for weeks, Daddy. Mrs. Weber said so!"_

"_Maybe he deserved it." He would never admit aloud, but he liked this Marcus kid. After all, he looked after his little princess when Edward couldn't._

"_Um, no, Daddy. Mommy always says hitting is bad."_

"_Well, your mother is a smart woman." He knew Bella could listen to their conversation from the next room._

"I know, _Daddy," Tanya huffed._

"_And I love her very much." Extra brownie points could never hurt._

"_Do you love me, too, Daddy?"_

"_Always, princess."_

"_How much?"_

"_To the ends of the universe and back."_

"_But Mrs. Weber says the universe doesn't end." Tanya frowned._

"_Neither does my love, princess."_

Edward's vision wavered as the people in the kitchen moved. He watched as Vicky made special Mickey-Mouse pancakes, and James listen Lauren sing 'The Little Mermaid's theme song. They hadn't had it easy either, and according to James, he'd fucked up more times than he could count. But he'd always found a way to make it up to her though, whether it was letting her bitch him at him for hours, or a candlelight dinner on a Friday night.

But Edward had more than one woman to make up to...and a little man.

His heart twisted as he remembered the devastation on Trey's face at the rink. The same face had haunted him through many sleepless nights. The day that Edward realized their bond had been broken was the closest he'd been to breaking his sobriety in months. He wanted it back, that feeling of pride when Trey used a move Edward taught at a game, that feeling of bliss when they went out for ice cream after, that feeling of home…

He wanted it all back.

He _would_ get it back. He would fight tooth and nail for them. He would wait until Bella was ready to accept him. He would attend every game, every recital until his kids realized that he wasn't going anywhere ever again. Piece by piece, he would fix what he had shattered in his selfishness. He wouldn't give up on them, not now, not ever.

"I need to go," Edward declared before fears consumed him again.

James straightened in his seat, his pink nails glittered in the light, solidifying Edward's resolve. "Go?"

"To Bella. To my kids," Edward clarified.

James smiled softly. "I'm proud of you, E." A brief moment passed where Edward wanted to hug the shit out of James for everything he'd done for him, but Edward settled for a simple 'thank you'. He kissed Lauren on her cheek, and ignored Vicky's shit-eating, I-told-you-so grin. For once, Edward wasn't annoyed by it.

The slamming of the door behind him was suddenly one of his favorite sounds.

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**A/N: M****ethinks the length of this chapter and slight fluffy/HEA makes up for the wait, yes?**

***jumps back, narrowly missing a flying tomato* Guise, guise! Violence is NOT the answer! *dives behind a cart***

**But in all seriousness, I'm hoping get back into the daily update thing from this chapter forward. Warning: the next few chapters are going to be pretty heavy. **

**For those of you who want some fluff amidst this angst, I'm currently posting a mini-fic, Spark, that is COMPLETELY fluffy. I also posted a Christmas O/S on my profile, All Roads Lead Home. Please check them out. ;-) **

**I'd love to know your thoughts. Especially about James and Vicky...and Edward's new attitude. **


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